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Dear Ellis,

It’s occurred to me, recently, that we don’t really talk about the things that we have in common; at least not overtly. We’ve never really talked about the things that we enjoy doing and shared an experience. We’ve never gone running or to the gym, nor gamed online, played squash or even golf.

Which begs the question: what do we have in common?

I’ve found myself asking this question of many of my relationships. Growing up, I was told that it was crucial to make friends with people who enjoyed the same things that I do but I am finding more and more, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s also been said that we should build relationships with those who have the same values and principles - and again, I’ve found the opposite to be true. Perhaps the bedrock of friendship is our ability to see beyond the other person’s interests, values, and principles and love them anyway. Or could it be, as with most things, it’s not so black and white, but rather a stunning blend of colour. When I think about it; the question I’m trying to answer is: Why are we friends?

Life, as an adult, is so fixated on transactions — bills, career, salary, paying for meals, cinema trips, nights out… It’s easy to think that friendships are built on the same basis. But that can’t be true!

I’ve once heard it said that you can tell a lot by a person by how they treat somebody who can do nothing for them. Ellis, there was a period in my life where there was absolutely nothing that I could do for you — in many ways; that is still true. Yet, you treated me with kindness, generosity, and love. You shared your values, principles, and even dreams with me… and I can’t help but wonder if that’s the foundation of a friendship. Two people who can do nothing for each other, who choose to share their innermost dreams and desires. Two people who, through pure chance, meet and make a decision to pursue something more than surface-level chat. Two people who share their lives, homes, and families with each other. Two people who are able to put their cards on the table in order to complete the deck and thus, start playing life’s most terrifying and fulfilling game — friendship.