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Dear Ellis,

Life, I’ve found, is about trade-offs. There’s never really any sense of balance when you evaluate what actually happens when we make a choice — it all boils down to trade-offs. I heard a brilliant quote once that said:

When you say “yes” to something, you must remember that you’re saying “no” to everything else.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly have made some significant trade-offs in the past. I’ve traded my health for work; my family for career progression; my liver for a good time, and my friendships for convenience — which is probably why I’ve never had many friends… it’s far too much effort!

Perhaps I’m missing something here, though? Maybe others have found a way to manage multiple friendships without paying the price in some or other area of their life. I just don’t see how it’s possible, because this all depends on one all-important asset: time. And time for friendship is particularly risky trade to make, isn’t it?

When I give up time for friends, I’m always aware of the many things that I’ve said “no” to, in order to have that time. That’s not to say that I don’t want to make that trade for the friends that I have, but as I get older (yes… I really did refer to getting older) I’m aware of how little time I have left to trade. There’s so much that I want to achieve and do and build and accomplish; it feels like I simply don’t have the time to trade. But if I achieve all the things that want and have no friendships, it’ll all mean nothing!

Maybe that’s just what friendship is - the willingness to trade your time (your life) for friendship in the hope that the friendship will make life meaningful. I think that’s what C.S Lewis meant, when he wrote:

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

You, my friend, certainly add great value to my survival.